Yes, I'm a pastor's wife, but I suspect not all of my readers are Christian. I won't hold back on my beliefs, but I also won't shove religion at you. I try not to accept things just because they're told to me but read and research in order to make up my own mind. You'll find a random mix of stuff here, depending on what interests me at the moment. I like to read others' opinions, whether they agree with me or not, which means I love comments on my posts!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Marriage Advice: Arguing

My husband does marriage advising occasionally, and he likes me to join him to have a woman's perspective. We advised a couple recently who has problems with arguing. DH and I don't get into heated yelling matches so I've never given this particular problem much thought. However during the session, DH said something that really stuck with me (hopefully it stuck with the couple, too!):

Arguments are not competitions.

Arguments are not to be competitions to see who can yell the loudest or push their point the most. There is never actually a "winner." Instead, feelings often get hurt and one person finally concedes to the other because they're tired of it. The purpose of an argument (or discussion if you prefer a calmer term) should be to express your own feelings so your spouse may understand more about you. They will never understand WHY you feel that way, but they'll at least understand more of what's important to you.

So what's your take on arguments? What do you seem to argue about the most?

For more advice, check out my article on Yahoo Voices about How to Argue Without Damaging Your Relationhips.

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